Can you imagine yourself to be the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU ARE EVEN REMOTELY FAMILIAR WITH HOLY SCRIPTURE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS!
IT COMES FROM A ROMAN CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST IN WHICH KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURIN G THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE, AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONG MAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD W HICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED, THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE..
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY. HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE . THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Worst Wedding Advices
From the moment you get engaged, it seems everyone has some wedding know-how to share. A lot of these tips are helpful; some are borderline disastrous. We asked brides for the worst wedding advice they've heard. Here's what not to do when you plan a wedding.
Bad Advice:
"The worst wedding advice anyone has told me was to sing our vows to each other." —Erin, Richmond, VA
Our Advice:
We totally encourage personalizing your vows, but unless you moonlight as opera singers, leave the American Idol aspirations for the after-party.
Bad Advice:
"My mom insisted that I wear my gold-colored junior prom dress as my wedding gown. She thought it was silly to buy yet another dress that I'd only wear once." —Alyssa, Madison, WI
Our Advice:
While hand-me-down gowns can add a sentimental touch and colored gowns are gaining popularity, most prom dresses should stay securely in the back of the closet for the wedding day.
Bad Advice:
"I was told that if the groom was unavailable during the toast, the bride has to kiss the best man." —Anonymous
Our Advice:
Making out with the best man at the reception is a great idea — if your wedding happens to fall on Opposite Day.
Bad Advice:
"My future father-in-law thought that since we were getting married in an historic home and I'm a costume designer, we should wear hoopskirts and crinolines!" —Abbey, Austin, TX
Our Advice:
We love historic homes, but unless you're into the idea of a masquerade ball wedding, play up the decor rather than your attire. Likewise, your wedding photos will be around for years to come, so wear something that won't leave your grandkids in hysterics.
Bad Advice:
"My mother-in-law said that it was perfectly fine to spend $9 a plate on dinner for our guests. She based this on my sister-in-law's wedding, where they served cold meat sandwiches, au gratin potatoes, and questionable-looking fruit salad." —Morgan, Madison WI
Our Advice:
Food is one detail every wedding guest remembers. Whatever your budget, you should allot about 40 percent of it for catering. Work with your caterer to prepare a menu within your budget and try to cut costs in other ways (like by trimming your guest list) rather than skimp on the meal.
Bad Advice:
"I was recently a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. I'm also engaged and was amazed when she told me I couldn't wear my engagement ring during her wedding because it was larger than hers...ridiculous!" —Scarlet, Longview, TX
Our Advice:
Being upstaged by a bridesmaid can be a very real fear for some brides. Handle the situation gently — explain that you'd rather not take off the ring for personal reasons. If she persists, remove it to avoid more drama.
Bad Advice:
"My mother wanted me to ask random pretty girls at church to be in my wedding party so that my brother could meet and then date them." —Anonymous
Our Advice:
It's true that weddings are a great place to match-make. But your bridesmaids should be your dearest friends and relatives, so pick attendants you know you (not your brother) will want standing by your side at the altar.
Bad Advice:
"My mother said that to cut costs, we could send invitations without an RSVP card. Guests could go online instead and RSVP on the web page my dad built for us. I thought it was a good idea, but only two people RSVP'd! I ended up having to call my entire guest list to find out who was coming." —Nicki, Oklahoma City, OK
Our Advice:
In the age of online-mania, RSVP cards are definitely still relevant, especially for older guests who might not be as accustomed to the Internet. If you do opt for digital responses, enlist your parents and attendants to spread the word and help guests who don't have access to a computer. The online option is an easy way to keep track of guest responses, but have a backup plan (a traditional RSVP card) for those who aren't as tech-savvy.
Bad Advice:
"A lady I worked with overheard me telling another coworker how much my fiancé and I were planning on saving up for our wedding. She decided to pipe in and say, 'Wow, you might as well just buy a house, you'll get divorced anyway.'" —Caroline, Flagstaff, AZ
Our Advice:
Avoid snide money-related comments by discussing your wedding budget only with those who need to know, like your parents and fiancé.
Bad Advice:
"I was told that the bride and groom don't receive the gifts. Instead, the bride's parents get them." —Suzie, Norfolk VA
Our Advice:
Give each of your parents a small gift as a token of thanks for being so supportive throughout the wedding planning process. The Cuisinart mixer and all the other goodies on your registry? Those are definitely your gifts to keep.
Bad Advice:
"My fiancé suggested we randomize the seating for all our guests because it would be cool for everyone to meet new people. I can just imagine my crazy friend from grad school and Aunt June at the same table. Yikes!" —Vicki, Durham, NC
Our Advice:
This idea is only partly off-track. To mix tables with a few people who don't know each other is a good way to bring everyone together at the reception. But don't put anyone at a table with no one else they know, and spare Aunt June the stress by seating like-mannered guests together.
Bad Advice:
"'Beggars can't be choosers.' This advice was given to me when I decided to wait on making a decision on a dress and venue. I have a low budget, but being rushed into any decision seems unwise." —Erin, Rockford, IL
Our Advice:
Sticking to your budget certainly doesn't mean you have to settle. It's always best to check out a few options before you make a decision, and if a certain vendor is just out of your price range, see if you can negotiate for a slightly scaled-down package.
Bad Advice:
"The worst wedding advice anyone has told me was to sing our vows to each other." —Erin, Richmond, VA
Our Advice:
We totally encourage personalizing your vows, but unless you moonlight as opera singers, leave the American Idol aspirations for the after-party.
Bad Advice:
"My mom insisted that I wear my gold-colored junior prom dress as my wedding gown. She thought it was silly to buy yet another dress that I'd only wear once." —Alyssa, Madison, WI
Our Advice:
While hand-me-down gowns can add a sentimental touch and colored gowns are gaining popularity, most prom dresses should stay securely in the back of the closet for the wedding day.
Bad Advice:
"I was told that if the groom was unavailable during the toast, the bride has to kiss the best man." —Anonymous
Our Advice:
Making out with the best man at the reception is a great idea — if your wedding happens to fall on Opposite Day.
Bad Advice:
"My future father-in-law thought that since we were getting married in an historic home and I'm a costume designer, we should wear hoopskirts and crinolines!" —Abbey, Austin, TX
Our Advice:
We love historic homes, but unless you're into the idea of a masquerade ball wedding, play up the decor rather than your attire. Likewise, your wedding photos will be around for years to come, so wear something that won't leave your grandkids in hysterics.
Bad Advice:
"My mother-in-law said that it was perfectly fine to spend $9 a plate on dinner for our guests. She based this on my sister-in-law's wedding, where they served cold meat sandwiches, au gratin potatoes, and questionable-looking fruit salad." —Morgan, Madison WI
Our Advice:
Food is one detail every wedding guest remembers. Whatever your budget, you should allot about 40 percent of it for catering. Work with your caterer to prepare a menu within your budget and try to cut costs in other ways (like by trimming your guest list) rather than skimp on the meal.
Bad Advice:
"I was recently a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. I'm also engaged and was amazed when she told me I couldn't wear my engagement ring during her wedding because it was larger than hers...ridiculous!" —Scarlet, Longview, TX
Our Advice:
Being upstaged by a bridesmaid can be a very real fear for some brides. Handle the situation gently — explain that you'd rather not take off the ring for personal reasons. If she persists, remove it to avoid more drama.
Bad Advice:
"My mother wanted me to ask random pretty girls at church to be in my wedding party so that my brother could meet and then date them." —Anonymous
Our Advice:
It's true that weddings are a great place to match-make. But your bridesmaids should be your dearest friends and relatives, so pick attendants you know you (not your brother) will want standing by your side at the altar.
Bad Advice:
"My mother said that to cut costs, we could send invitations without an RSVP card. Guests could go online instead and RSVP on the web page my dad built for us. I thought it was a good idea, but only two people RSVP'd! I ended up having to call my entire guest list to find out who was coming." —Nicki, Oklahoma City, OK
Our Advice:
In the age of online-mania, RSVP cards are definitely still relevant, especially for older guests who might not be as accustomed to the Internet. If you do opt for digital responses, enlist your parents and attendants to spread the word and help guests who don't have access to a computer. The online option is an easy way to keep track of guest responses, but have a backup plan (a traditional RSVP card) for those who aren't as tech-savvy.
Bad Advice:
"A lady I worked with overheard me telling another coworker how much my fiancé and I were planning on saving up for our wedding. She decided to pipe in and say, 'Wow, you might as well just buy a house, you'll get divorced anyway.'" —Caroline, Flagstaff, AZ
Our Advice:
Avoid snide money-related comments by discussing your wedding budget only with those who need to know, like your parents and fiancé.
Bad Advice:
"I was told that the bride and groom don't receive the gifts. Instead, the bride's parents get them." —Suzie, Norfolk VA
Our Advice:
Give each of your parents a small gift as a token of thanks for being so supportive throughout the wedding planning process. The Cuisinart mixer and all the other goodies on your registry? Those are definitely your gifts to keep.
Bad Advice:
"My fiancé suggested we randomize the seating for all our guests because it would be cool for everyone to meet new people. I can just imagine my crazy friend from grad school and Aunt June at the same table. Yikes!" —Vicki, Durham, NC
Our Advice:
This idea is only partly off-track. To mix tables with a few people who don't know each other is a good way to bring everyone together at the reception. But don't put anyone at a table with no one else they know, and spare Aunt June the stress by seating like-mannered guests together.
Bad Advice:
"'Beggars can't be choosers.' This advice was given to me when I decided to wait on making a decision on a dress and venue. I have a low budget, but being rushed into any decision seems unwise." —Erin, Rockford, IL
Our Advice:
Sticking to your budget certainly doesn't mean you have to settle. It's always best to check out a few options before you make a decision, and if a certain vendor is just out of your price range, see if you can negotiate for a slightly scaled-down package.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
8 most common scams you need to avoid
One should avoid following 8 most common scams
Are you a scamaholic? Do you find yourself seduced by those ads in the paper and on the 'net that promise huge incomes with very little effort on your part? You know what I'm talking about; those ads that entice you with "part-time" jobs with big pay offs, from the "comfort of your own home," and with little to no work on your part. I've even seen ads that say you can make money while sleeping, watching TV, or having sex. Can that even be legal?
If you've been sucked into any of these work-at-home scams, don't worry. There is help. The first step truly is making yourself aware that there are people out there who will scam you for your very last dime. It's your responsibility to learn how to spot these scammers and stay far, far away from their traps.
To help you avoid these scammers, let's review some of the most common and successful scams out there today.
Envelope stuffing. Envelope stuffing is one of the most popular scams. You won't be stuffing envelopes. What you'll be asked to do is place the same ad (at your own expense) that you responded to, in order to scam other people.
Email Processors. Email processing is the e-version of envelope stuffing. Typically, you pay person 1 a fee of between $5-30 and then person 1 sends you your 'information kit'. This typically tells you how to take the exact same ad you replied to and send it out by email or on newsletters to convince others to send you the same fee you sent Person 1.
Home Typists (also Order Taker/Application Taker). There are lots of home typist positions that are perfectly legitimate, but these never ask you for a fee and they are also rarely advertised online. Don't get suckered by ads that promise home typing work that require a fee. They are all variations on the email processing scam
Craft/Electronic Assembly. There are perfectly legitimate craft/assembly companies that do pay their home-based workers. Unfortunately, they are very hard to find. With most scams, you will be asked to pay anywhere from $10 to $200 for a test "kit." You will then be sent something to assemble that, no matter how brilliantly done, will never meet their so-called quality standards.
This scam works to make the originating company a great deal of money in two ways. The first way they make money is by selling you the kit and materials. Then, they actually sell your carefully assembled products at discount prices to retailers. Believe me, they are selling your assembled products, but they just aren't paying you for it.
Lists of companies that hire home-based workers. Many people get scammed into buying lists that promise hundreds of "sure bet" companies that are just waiting to hire you to work from home. The simple reality is that these lists are often just compiled from the telephone book and many of the companies on them, if the companies exist at all, don't know they're on such a list. And, the real kicker: Most of these companies don't even hire home-based workers. There are legitimate lists online, but they are totally free for you to review.
Reading books for pay. A variation on the job's list is the "Make Money Reading Books" list. This list names publishers who pay to have individuals review their manuscripts. As with the lists in #5, you can find this information for free on the Web yourself. And, while it is true that some publishing companies pay people to review manuscripts, they will advertise these positions carefully. They are not typically happy about receiving unsolicited resumes.
$6 Chain Letter. If you've ever seen the $6 Chain Letter in your Inbox, you've experienced a pyramid scheme up close and personal. For only $6, you can make thousands or so promises the letter. A simple rule of thumb: Avoid all chain letters, especially when money is being requested. This is one letter you'll want to avoid like the plague because not only is it totally illegal and it doesn't work!
A real company offering a position-whether it be work at home or in an office-will ask to see your resume, probably want references, maybe want to see samples of your work, and might want to communicate by phone. If they don't ask for any of these things, be careful! And, if they ask for money, beware! A legitimate company will NEVER ask you for money to work for them!
Remember these tips and you'll never be a scamaholic again.
More can be read about this topic Here
Happy Days to all of you
Are you a scamaholic? Do you find yourself seduced by those ads in the paper and on the 'net that promise huge incomes with very little effort on your part? You know what I'm talking about; those ads that entice you with "part-time" jobs with big pay offs, from the "comfort of your own home," and with little to no work on your part. I've even seen ads that say you can make money while sleeping, watching TV, or having sex. Can that even be legal?
If you've been sucked into any of these work-at-home scams, don't worry. There is help. The first step truly is making yourself aware that there are people out there who will scam you for your very last dime. It's your responsibility to learn how to spot these scammers and stay far, far away from their traps.
To help you avoid these scammers, let's review some of the most common and successful scams out there today.
Envelope stuffing. Envelope stuffing is one of the most popular scams. You won't be stuffing envelopes. What you'll be asked to do is place the same ad (at your own expense) that you responded to, in order to scam other people.
Email Processors. Email processing is the e-version of envelope stuffing. Typically, you pay person 1 a fee of between $5-30 and then person 1 sends you your 'information kit'. This typically tells you how to take the exact same ad you replied to and send it out by email or on newsletters to convince others to send you the same fee you sent Person 1.
Home Typists (also Order Taker/Application Taker). There are lots of home typist positions that are perfectly legitimate, but these never ask you for a fee and they are also rarely advertised online. Don't get suckered by ads that promise home typing work that require a fee. They are all variations on the email processing scam
Craft/Electronic Assembly. There are perfectly legitimate craft/assembly companies that do pay their home-based workers. Unfortunately, they are very hard to find. With most scams, you will be asked to pay anywhere from $10 to $200 for a test "kit." You will then be sent something to assemble that, no matter how brilliantly done, will never meet their so-called quality standards.
This scam works to make the originating company a great deal of money in two ways. The first way they make money is by selling you the kit and materials. Then, they actually sell your carefully assembled products at discount prices to retailers. Believe me, they are selling your assembled products, but they just aren't paying you for it.
Lists of companies that hire home-based workers. Many people get scammed into buying lists that promise hundreds of "sure bet" companies that are just waiting to hire you to work from home. The simple reality is that these lists are often just compiled from the telephone book and many of the companies on them, if the companies exist at all, don't know they're on such a list. And, the real kicker: Most of these companies don't even hire home-based workers. There are legitimate lists online, but they are totally free for you to review.
Reading books for pay. A variation on the job's list is the "Make Money Reading Books" list. This list names publishers who pay to have individuals review their manuscripts. As with the lists in #5, you can find this information for free on the Web yourself. And, while it is true that some publishing companies pay people to review manuscripts, they will advertise these positions carefully. They are not typically happy about receiving unsolicited resumes.
$6 Chain Letter. If you've ever seen the $6 Chain Letter in your Inbox, you've experienced a pyramid scheme up close and personal. For only $6, you can make thousands or so promises the letter. A simple rule of thumb: Avoid all chain letters, especially when money is being requested. This is one letter you'll want to avoid like the plague because not only is it totally illegal and it doesn't work!
A real company offering a position-whether it be work at home or in an office-will ask to see your resume, probably want references, maybe want to see samples of your work, and might want to communicate by phone. If they don't ask for any of these things, be careful! And, if they ask for money, beware! A legitimate company will NEVER ask you for money to work for them!
Remember these tips and you'll never be a scamaholic again.
More can be read about this topic Here
Happy Days to all of you
Monday, May 05, 2008
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